Capitol Theft

I glared at my editor. She glared at me.
"You butchered my article on the Vo-Tech, Kelly."
"I had to. Mrs. Ellis didn't like the way you wrote it."
"Mrs. Ellis can suck rocks."
Kelly threw her hands up in the air. "Terrific, Lou. You want to tell her that, or should I?" She picked up the school newspaper, and read from my article. "You wrote that each student in the farming program had to care for a sheep, and if it lives, they pass the grade. I don't think that's true."
"It was satire."
'I don't think you know what that means."
"You're being pretty mean for someone who wanted me to be your campaign manager when you ran for class president last year."
"We lost."
"Kelly, shit."
"Mrs. Ellis doesn't like the way you try to be a smart-ass. She just wants the straight facts She doesn't think you trying to be funny is worth running."
"Tell that to Dave Barry. The Morning Call runs him every day."
Kelly sighed. She folded up the paper. "You're in German III, right?"
"German II," I said. "I got held back a year because I gave the teacher an uncooked Easter egg."
"Are you going on that trip to Washington DC with the German class and the exchange students?"
"Yeah, assuming Reagan doesn't blow us all up by then."
"I want you to cover that. Seriously. I'll bring my camera and get some photos, and you write the article. Promise me you won't act stupid in front of the exchange students."
"I promise I won't get caught."
"Do you want the article, or not?"
I nodded.
"Yeah. I do."

Class trips would be a lot cooler without all the classmates.
The bus was pretty evenly split between the German exchange students and my American classmates. The German teacher in my school was very active, and planned all sorts of things like this. The Spanish teacher, by contrast, mostly talked about her days in Vietnam. So we were on a bus trip to Washington with a bunch of Germans, which may have been the most diverse experience of my life up to that point.
The trip so far had been rushed. We'd spent most of it on the bus, running behind schedule evidently, because we'd mainly been driving past things. We'd drive past a monument, and the guide would gesture at it, but we couldn't stop because we were in a big hurry to go drive past someplace else. The guide was a German named Zukov, and he seemed to be perpetually running behind schedule. Months later, I would see a TV show that had a character named Zukov as a KGB agent, and it would explain so much.
I clicked a photo of the Lincoln Memorial with my Polaroid. I wished Kline was here.
"Looking for ghosts, screwball?" asked one of the kids in an adjacent seat.
"You never know, Tim," I said. "A lot of Washington is said to be haunted."
"Man, don't tell anyone our fathers work in the same place," Tim said. "That's about all we have in common. You're so weird."
"You know," added Esther,"If you put this much effort into your school work----"
"If school work didn't suck, I might."
The German teacher stood up in front of the bus. "We'll be stopping for dinner," she said. "We're going to have an hour to eat, and then we'll be going to the motel."
"You gonna look for ghosts in the motel, screwy?" asked Tim.
Asshole. "And aliens," I said. "Washington has aliens hid all over the place."

Dinner was a buffet, and it was packed. You'd think a restaurant would plan to seat like sixty kids. Someone immediately spilled water all over the tablecloth, so several of us were sitting there eating off a wet table. All in all, I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
We got back on the bus. I filed back to my seat. It took me a minute to locate the seat---I was looking for my bag, the big blue one I'd carried on. But it wasn't there. It had disappeared.
I looked at Rod, the kid who had been sitting next to me. "You see my bag?"
"No, man," he said. "It was there when we went into the restaurant."
Kelly appeared in the aisle beside Rod as the bus started off. "Switch with me," she said. Rod shrugged and moved off, and she sat down next to me. "I'm gonna need you to get some photos when we unload at the motel. My camera's out of film, and I won't be able to buy more till tomorrow."
"Might be a problem there, Kelly," I said. "My camera was in my bag, and it's gone."
She frowned. "Someone took it?"
" I think so."
"You gotta tell the Frau."
"I think I kinda want to look into it myself," I said. "I don't want anyone looking in my bag but me."
"Why? What's in your bag?"
"Um. Well. My camera and notebook, a first aid kit, two knives, my whip, lockpicks, a couple of smoke bombs, and a flashlight."
"You just carry all this stuff around with you?"
"Who do you come to when you need a band-aid?"
"You," she admitted. "What're you gonna do?"
"Try to get it back myself," I said. "My dad gave me the bag for this trip; I think he got it from work. I don't think I want the Frau finding out I brought a whip along to Washington."
"You and Kline have been hanging out too long," she said. "We're reporters. You want me to ask a few questions, see if I can help?"
"Yeah. We both will."

"I didn't say ghosts are definitely real," I said. "I just said that considering we have a First Lady who consults with psychics, I think you're being a little harsh."
I was standing outside our motel room door with a couple of the other guys. We'd been through a pillowfight and some crank calls on the motel phone, and now we were standing outside on the walkway, chatting. We couldn't stray far past the door, because some of the German students had tried to sneak out and get alcohol, seeing no reason they couldn't drink like they did at home. So the chaperones had set up guards to keep everyone in the motel.
Esther came running down the walkway to us. "Did you guys see anyone come out of my room?" she asked. "Someone went in while I was out getting a soda, and stole the money I had in my purse!"
"Bet it was one of the Germans!" said one of the other guys. "None of us Northern Lehigh kdis would do something like that."
"You got robbed, too?" I said. "Someone took all my stuff."
"From your room?"
"No, off the bus."
She frowned. "That's weird," she said. "How could anyone just walk off the bus with your bag? You'd think someone would notice."
"You'd think," I agreed. "Just like you'd think someone would notice someone busting into your room."
"It didn't look like they broke the lock or anything," said Esther.
"Really?"
"I'm going to go find Frau Hicks," she said. "I need to report this!"
"Wait," I said. "I have an idea. Let's get Kelly. And which room is Tim in?"

I pounded on the door to Tim's motel room. "Open up! Police!"
He opened the door and stared at me. "What're you doing, weirdo?"
"Only my friends get to call me a weirdo, Tim. Let's have it. Everything."
"What're you talking about?"
Kelly and Esther were standing behind me, Kelly taking occasional notes. "Esther's money and all my stuff. Let's go. Now."
He made a face. "You're nuts. I don't know anything about any money."
"Me, too, but in my case it's just in business math class," I said. "You started by stealing all my stuff, and then you used my lockpicks to get into Esther's room and steal her money."
"Got a statement for the record?" Kelly asked him.
"You're crazy."
"No," I said. "I'm not. I realized that your dad a mine work in the same place. He brought me the bag to use for this trip, one of his old work bags. And so did your dad. You took mine off the bus, and nobody noticed because our bags look the same."
Esther was staring at me. "Now you're good at paying attention?"
"I don't know if you did it on purpose or not, but when you opened it up and found all my stuff, you used my picks to get into Esther's room and steal her money. These motel locks are not the most secure I've ever seen; I could open one with a popsicle stick."
"You can't prove any of this," he said.
"Don't have to," I told him. "Here's how it's gonna go down. You either give everything back, right now, or else I go to the Frau and tell her money was stolen, and ask her to search your room."
"You're not going to let the Frau find your knives and whip," he said.
"How did you know there were knives and a whip in the bag?" asked Kelly.
He went pale. I said,"I'm happy to have her search. See, I don't have weapons in my room. You do."
He scowled at me, then turned and walked into his room. He came back and handed me my bag, then gave Esther a folded wad of money.
"There," he said. "Now leave me alone."
"Quote for the school paper?" I asked.
He slammed the door in my face.
"Thank you, Lou," said Esther.
"You guys get a good night's sleep, now," I said. "Tomorrow morning we gotta drive past the Washington Monument."
Esther shook her head. "If only you could learn German as well as you get in trouble."
I smiled. "Nicht war?"